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What not to say…

Now that I am married, there are a few things I do NOT want to hear from people. So let’s talk about what not to say to newlywed brides…

1. “So, when are you going to have babies??”

This is my absolute biggest pet peeve. Please, please, please do not let this be your first question to the new bride and groom. They just got married for Pete’s sake! Let them enjoy each other for a day or so before you jump in and start the pressure to have children. That is a pretty private and personal question to be asking, especially if you barely know the bride. Unless they have talked with you about wanting to have children right away, do not ask this. Have you ever thought that maybe they are unable to have children? Or maybe they just don’t want to have children, period? Now I may be pushing 30 (eeks!), but my biological clock only has a low, faint tick right now. I am just not quite ready. Neither is my husband. We might be next year or not for another 5 years. But asking me every time you see me is not going to make me any more ready anytime sooner. We get puppies instead. At least we can put them in a kennel when they are bad.

2. “So do you plan on quitting your job/staying home and taking care of the children?” (i.e. “Will you be putting your children in daycare?”)

First, see #1. If you’ve breached this topic and they are planning on having children soon, why would you think this is any of your business? And furthermore, with this economy there are really not many couples who can afford to live on one income. Let’s step out of the 1950s people. The woman does not have to stay at home to take care of her children. Daycare is a perfectly normal choice for children of working parents. I am a product of daycare. I, while some people may beg to differ (hehe!), turned out normal. In fact, I am sure my outgoing personality is due to the fact that I was in daycare. And have you ever considered that the woman might LIKE her career? I am not knocking people who are financially and mentally capable of having one parent stay home with the children. My MIL was a stay at home mom. He had a great childhood and is very… normal? (Just kidding babe!) I am just saying that you should not force your own opinions on other people. After all, they are capable adults who just got married. I think they can make a decision together on how to care for their children.

3. “So how many months are you?” (i.e. “You LOOK pregnant.”)

Really?! I know most brides workout and eat healthier (or just not at all, which I do not recommend!) right before their big day. I did too. I also know how easy it is to put on a few pounds during the honeymoon. I also ate anything and everything that I wanted while I was on my honeymoon. And now I have been kicking myself for it. But really?! Please do not indicate to any newlywed bride that she looks like she has gained a few pounds. We know. We can tell how our clothes fit. Thanks for pointing it out though. I think I’ll just go eat a cake now.

4. “He’ll always be his mother’s son.”

I’ve addressed this in a previous post, Tips from a Married Lady…. I KNOW this. But I am his wife, not his mom. I do not expect to take over her role or take her place. She’s his mother, for Pete’s sake! There is room for two women in his life. It is a shame that people get this confused. I just don’t think people know how annoying it is when people say this. He may be his mother’s son, but he is his own man. He is capable of making decisions and doing things on his own. Now this statement is even worse if it comes from your husband’s mom. It’s like she is saying, “You may have married him, but I’ll always come first.” Mom gets jealous of her new daughter-in-law and tries to put her in her place. Come on! Curb the jealousy and accept a new person into your family. Maybe it will be nice to have a fresh, new person around. Thankfully, I do not have first hand experience with this one. I’ve seen it though. Just remember how this feels ladies because when you have grown children, you do not want to be the one saying this to your daughter-in-law.

I am sure these are just a few of the things that newlyweds hear in their first few months of marriage. Can you think of any others?


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