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Wediquette Wednesday: Plus one?

I cannot claim to have come up with the term “Wediquette.” I can only say that whoever did is a genius. A whole separate set of rules apply when planning a wedding. That is probably why I get asked so many of the same questions over and over. And unless you have planned a wedding before, it is unlikely you are going to know the answers to all of these questions, so I never fault people for asking. I just figured since they are common questions, maybe more people would want to know the answers. Enter “Wediquette Wednesday.” Again, not a novel title. But since this will be a recurring series on my blog, I think it deserves a fun moniker. While this may not be a weekly series like my Tuesday Shoesday or Friday Finds, I plan to shed some light on the most common questions asked by brides.

Q. We are on a tight budget and would like to cut back our quest list. Do we need to allow everyone a “plus one?”

A. Short answer is no, but let’s discuss this a bit more. It’s not quite as simple as a yes or no. Let’s talk about a few different scenarios.

1. A friend/family member is engaged or married. You should invite their spouse. Imagine how you would feel if someone didn’t invite you to which a wedding your soon to be husband was invited. You’d be a little upset. They are this guest’s family and therefore a friend/family member by default – even if you have never met them or don’t like them.

2. A friend/family member is single. You do not need to include a plus one UNLESS they do not know anyone else at the wedding (see number 3). You don’t need random people at your wedding just for the sake of your friend or family having a date.

3. A friend won’t know anyone else at the reception. I have been invited to weddings before when I knew only the groom and I would have never gone to the wedding if I hadn’t been able to take a date. Now if you don’t really want the guest to come either and are just inviting them because you feel obligated, then not allowing a plus one would be a good way to cut the list even more. However, if this is the case, you should probably just skip the invitation all together.

4. The friend/family member is under 18. Even if they are dating someone “seriously,” just how serious can it be? They are in high school. There aren’t many cases of high school sweethearts making it past the first year in college. They most certainly shouldn’t bring their boyfriend of the week to your wedding either.

5. A friend/family member is in a committed relationship. This is the one where it gets tricky. You can’t really make a cut-off  (i.e. dating for longer than 6 months) because I have met a lot of couples who are committed or are even engaged after 3 months. You should use your best judgement on this one.

And while I am on the topic, please, please, please do not allow anyone’s girlfriend or date to be a part of your family portraits. Unless they are married or engaged, they should not be in them. Even when they are married or engaged to be a part of your family, you should get a second shot of you and your immediate family without them. You don’t want any randos in your photos who you won’t be able to identify 5 years down the road.

Do you have any input on this topic? If so, please comment below! I’d love to hear from you!

 


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